These are bizarre crazy quotes from different friends of mine at Northeastern.
"Someone must have the opposite end of these sheets" ~Bryan, while asleep
"Life is meaningless until you see that it has no meaning." ~Todd
“When Joe said yahoo, I just thought he was excited about playing spades” ~Jake
“Once you realize that there is no perfect woman, only then can you find the perfect woman.” ~Joe
“I love the hyphenated names” ~Todd
“She definitely remembers what it’s like so we should get free pool.” ~Brad
“Sounds like a cat fight. WOOF!” ~J. Peterman
“Doctors are trained to be nice to you. They don’t say, 'Your arm is fine you wuss'" ~Todd
"Don't worry I got a pen." ~Jeff
"I smell everyday when I get home from work." ~Jeff
"Yes I need a cab in the city, but I think City Cab would be the best." ~Joe C.
"They can't even dance or listen to music over there." ~Robin
"Yea it's just like that movie Footloose." ~Todd
"Pat needs a spanking cause his ass is so tight. It's not the ass I'm looking for" ~Jake
"I'm definitely not feeling the love." ~Jake
"Too drunk to fuck. I'm too drunk to fuck. Where are the Dead Kennedys when we need them?" ~Jake
"You should have sex in front of me, cause that would be cool." ~Jake
"I'm afraid of everything. I'm afraid of the world. I'm afraid I can't help it." ~Jake
"Do you think I'm gay? Would you like to f*** me in the ass?" ~Jake
"I am better than getting laid... I am not drinking anymore. I am so fed up. I need water. Na na na na Johnny's ah coming." ~Jake
"I will hit... hit on random girlies. Vamor a la puerte, you are fucking hot." ~Jake
"You know what I do? I do rollovers; I do blood spilling out of people on the highway. You know where I just was? I was in Needham!" ~State Trooper
"And then she got naked, and I didn't know what to do." ~Jake
"It was nice looking at you." ~Jake
"But she was black." ~Jake
"Because she knew where my hands were last night." ~Wassaf
"Did I come through or did I come through? Now I put the food on the table. From here it's up to you." ~Paul
"Her vagina was like a gaping hole." ~Joe
"I can't wait until I'm in a bad mood." ~Gerard
"I have no balls." ~Jake
"I'll have check the Koran tonight." ~Pete
"IHOP is like the Hooters of breakfast." ~Todd
"There's one thing I won't tolerate: Stealing Christmas" ~Todd
"Fark naked in the middle of the chair" ~Bryan, asleep again
"Newton was a brilliant sadistic thief." ~Widom
"What the hell do the Wright brothers have to do with airplanes?" ~Brad
"That's exactly what Scott is: all flash and no substance." ~Todd
"I've had a rough week and Krystle is gonna feel it." ~Joe
"The bank was running low on funds, and you could only make a few withdrawals at a time." ~Todd
"God does not play dice." ~Albert Einstein
"I'm on the verge of a new all time high score in Tetris." ~Todd, while in Differential Equations class
"I'm not giving you the satisfaction of getting the full block." ~Todd to Joe while playing 8 games of Connect Four
"I try but I just can't last that long." ~Jake
"Oh, I'm not ugly. I'm beautiful inside." ~Gerard
"I was sure Carmen Electra's breasts were bigger than that." ~Gerard
"I'll put on my trousers, start up the old gal, and ride that bitch straight into the sunset." ~Joe
"So you drank vomit. It's not like you enjoyed it." ~Todd
"Christianity... what a hoax!" ~Todd
"Nice! Long palms, that's good for bowling." ~Bowler's Edge's owner, Wayne Lima
"We're making good time, we should only be 15 minutes late." ~Todd
"There's mattresses everywhere!" ~Brad
"Boston doesn't have any grass, but if it did, it would be dewy. That's where dew comes from." ~Brad
"Look at this one. That's a strong piss."
"Gerard, you don't have to prove to us that you're not a robot; you have to prove it to yourself." ~Joe
"Why do you hate me?" ~Jake
"There were rivers of vomit." ~Brad
"There was a cord of wood there if there was a nickel." ~Darin
"It's all I have to give." ~Peter Parker
"The absence of air is the basis of knowledge." ~Darin
"See this is what happens when I get tired: My castle goes to shit." ~Todd
"I love the smell of burning flesh." ~Gerard
"It was an oral experience..." ~ Todd
"You need to put some hook on that shit!" ~Justin R.
"During the final, I'll hide under a pile of coats and just hope that everything works out." ~Justin R.
"In life, you're the better player." ~Joe
"I hate women...they play more games than you do in poker! And that is a lot of games!" ~Mike
"I am the champion of excitement!" ~Todd
"If I like you then I'll give you a challenging test. It may sound funny, but a difficult test comes from the bottom of my heart." ~Zain Navabi
"The good thing about the final exam is it doesn't affect my evaluations." ~Zain Navabi
"I'd rather rub my face in the sex couch than sit on that thing." ~Justin R.
"Are you guys a band?" ~Friendly's waitress
"Yeah, our new CD is dropping Tuesday." ~Todd
"Oh no! I found another bathing suit!" ~Todd
"My fingers perpetually smell like rotting vegetables, and I can't figure it out." ~Jake
"If men and women thought the same, we wouldn't want women. We'd want horses, because they represent a challenge. We'd all be sitting around scheming on how to smooth up on a horse, you know... move in. We would be thinking, 'That horse, what a tough customer.'" ~Andy
"I said that to my whore after we made sweet love." ~Andy
"So how can we make Pat more attractive?" ~Jake
"Did you see the black guy that was giving us the "Who's got the mustard, who's got the mustard?" look?" ~Todd
"There's nothing funny about seeing Brad's penis." ~Joe
"Then why does everyone laugh every time they see it?" Brad
"I want to build a house like in Scooby Doo." ~Todd
"I want Willy Wonka to cream all over me." ~Adrianne
"... so I can suck it off and taste it." ~Sarah
"Have you been to wonderland? Cause your body is nothing like it." ~Brad
"Well we are pretty damn cool Brad." ~Todd
"Hey, look at the bright side though man, your hair looked good on the news." ~Brad
"You better fucking send that shit." ~Todd
"I did, I did!!!!!" ~Brad
"No one deserves me. I am the boyfriend women dream about." ~Joe
"New Orleans has more year round sluts than anywhere else." ~Todd
"My dreams are haunted by visions of giant CODFISH." ~Darin
"Joe, where did you learn to play pecan bocce like that?" ~Todd
"I probably got the mustard on my shirt too but you couldn't tell because of all the vomit." ~Justin R. about the $6 sausages.
"Yeah penis, that's what's on my mind all the time." ~Mike S.
"I'm not going up until you go down." ~Bryan
"Maybe I'm dead and this is hell. I can't tell." ~Prof. Swain
"That's a nice penis. It's like a Japanese one." ~Julie
"Come on Julie, you gotta take the big one down." ~Ken
"Let's play a game of Julie suck that cock." ~Todd
"I hope I've seen a cock that size." ~Jake
"G touches penis everyday Julie." ~Ken
"If I drink enough, I'll take it down." ~Pat
"I'll suck on a cock for some money." ~Joe
"I swear to you, in ten minutes I'll be sucking on this cock." ~Julie
"I chewed on the penis for a while, it tasted pretty good." ~Julie
"That looks like a jerk explosion." ~JR
"The way he dresses, he looks like a mechanical engineer." ~Justin K.
"When they say International House of Pancakes, they really mean international." ~Todd
"You should smell my knees." ~Kristy
"I would be an awesome gay." ~Joe
"If I were a lesbian, she'd be my girlfriend." ~The trash lady about my mom
"I'm sorry but I just can't be that big black woman you're looking for." ~Trisha
"I can feel it vibrating in my ass." ~Ken
"One time I got to have crab rangoons. It was so good. Oh my god! Rangoons are coming!!" ~Eric
"I am the champion of anal sex!!!" ~Joe
"That's the boat the foxes took when they came over from Cuba." ~Todd
"Mmmmmm... chocolate vapor.... delicious!" ~Todd
"Check out this knew toothbrush I got." ~Pete
"That one of the electric ones?" ~Joe
"Yeah. Crest makes this one." ~Pete
"How much horsepower does it have?" ~Joe
"I don't know. How much is it supposed to have?" ~Pete
"Toothbrushes don't have horsepower." ~Joe
"Apparently you are only supposed to use Crest toothpaste with this toothbrush, so I guess I can't use it yet since I don't have any." ~Pete
"You can use any toothpaste." ~Joe
"Wait. I think Alex has Crest. I'll ask him." ~Pete
"Do we have to put the procedure in the report?" ~Todd
"Yes" ~JR
"No" ~Joe
"I don't think we do" ~Todd
"Oh that procedure" ~JR
"What procedure are you talking about?" ~Joe and Todd
JR pauses and stares blankly at me.
"The procedure for solving the Kermit???" ~JR
"You guys need to stop drinking!" ~Todd
" You're the one who just got back from the bar" ~JR
" And I'm the most sober one here!!!" ~Todd
"Nanoprobes... makes me think of Seven of Nine. There are other things that make me think of Seven of Nine too." ~Prof. McDonald
"I'd be a hooker, you know I would." ~Hilda
"You know Hilda would be in the locker room like 'You need some relaxation before your race? Five bucks.'" ~Todd
"G, you're awesome. I didn't mean to make fun of you, but it's so easy." ~JR
"G, you don't know what's going on. I could bludgeon you on the head with a brick and you wouldn't know. G has no clue." ~JR
"You have no idea what's going on, do you?" ~JR
"It's like a grey hair, it's a badge of honor. It's a sign you've been there, that you've played the game." ~Pat about GV's
Me with a Snapple outside 7/11:
Bum: Hey can I
get some of that?
Me: Some of my
tea?
Bum: Yea, just
a little.
Me: Ok
* Pour some tea into his bottle *
Bum: Guess
what I got in here
Me: Vodka?
Bum: Right!!
Me: Nice
Bum: You want
some of my drink?
Me: No, I’m not drinking tonight.
Bum: You’re
not drinking tonight!? You gonna
get some girls?
Me: Of course I’m getting girls.
Bum: Ok
let’s get a girl. We can split
it. It’ll be $15 each.
Me: I’m not
going to pay for a girl.
Bum: You
won’t pay for pussy?
Me: NO!
Bum: Well
you’ve got to start sometime.
Me: No I can
get it for free.
Bum: You
can’t get it for free.
Me: Sure I can
Bum: You’re
trying to get a discount.
Me: Exactly, you know what I mean.
* We high five *
* Trish and Julie walk out *
Me: See what I
mean!
* Put my arms around Trish and Julie *
Bum: I’m impressed.
I don’t know what you’re doing but it works.
Me: Umm thanks
Bum: Turn to
her and say “yeehaw!”
Me: Yeehaw!
Bum: Now
you turn to him and say “yeehaw!”
Trish: Yeehaw!
* We all high five each other *
"You would go home with him for an A?" ~Todd
"Possibly" ~Hilda
"I love to rub head." ~Hilda
"You're coming home with me!" ~Hilda
"So if my mom had sex with my brother he'd be my brother and my father,
and I'd be an aunt and a niece." ~Hilda
"That's hot!" ~Gerard
"I'm getting turned on as we speak." ~Mark
"So seeing Adrianne is like going to Hooters everyday." ~Hilda
"I never imagined you'd be able to match my abilities." ~Sean, to me
"Wow the difference between my gaussian limited source diffusion for junction depth and the actual junction depth is only .07 microns!" ~JR
"I'm the one who made that triangle; now it makes no sense to me." ~Gerard
"Extra money!" ~Sarah
"You can go around saying your not Cape Verdean and Irish but it doesn't mean anything; you still are." ~Todd
"We're going to IHOP now to rejuvenate from last night." ~Sarah
"All I saw was foam coming at my face really fast. Thank god I swallowed it all. I didn't think I could swallow all that." ~Hilda
"I'm the laziest piece of crap there is." ~Hilda
"You can't have that salt! You have high cholesterol!" ~Sarah to Hilda
"She would lick her own salty vagina if she
could." ~Todd
"Shake shake shake!!!" ~Mitch, both referring to
Hilda hiding a salt shaker up her skirt
"You're too cute to be straight." ~Drunk girl to Gerard
"What the hell is in my drink!!??? Oh its an ice cube."
~Waldo
"God really likes you." ~Waldo
"I have a small unit." ~Waldo
“Do you know what I did? You’ll be so proud of me. I made easy mac. It was sooo easy!!” ~Oren
“How do you turn on the oven?” ~Oren
"Todd looks like Inuit snow." ~Adria
Balderdash - Actual definitions submitted
Gorget: A dog who does it in the butt with other dogs for dog bones
Purlicue: The act of ramming someone in the ass while they have a bag over their ugly-ass face
Dorking: The act of giving fish to a dolphin for crazy wild dolphin sex.
Tarrybangle: The act of drugging a squirrel so that one may impale him from behind and then say "I just done tarrybangled your ass."
Tarrybangle: The story of the time that girl Tarry came over, got drunk, and then fucked you. Then you went to go to the bathroom, and when you came out she was getting it from your Saint Bernard, Bangle.
Tarrybangle: Placing a Bugle brand corn chip on a cow's utter. Then milking the cow to fill up the Bugle with sweet un-homogenized cow milk. Then sucking the tasty treat off the udder. Do all of this while tucking your penis behind your creamy white thighs.
Corybungus: The shrieking sound from a koala bear when it is getting fucked from behind.
Todd - Joe Package argurment
Conversation Excerpt:
Todd : so you're going to do what?
Todd : dress up in a brown jumpsuit
Todd : and try to get the package from the distribution center?
Joe : fuck off todd
Todd : we can paint my car brown too
And, saving the best quotes for last:
Jake Cutiepie Conversation #1
Jake Cutiepie Conversation #2
Excerpts:
cutie: well, lets start by telling me how you would kiss first
Jake: I don't know
Jake: but it would probably be something similar to eating... :-P
cutie: well, why don't i give you some pointers now...for later:-*
Jake: hmm... how to not sound offensive... you sound easy
Jake: they have different sizes?
Jake: ok that was a stupid question
Jake: what I mean is
Jake: there a standard for measuring size?
Todd: are you serious?
Todd: cup sizes
Jake: I am seriously clueless
Jake: I thought that was just the breast size in general
Jake: like I didn't think the actual tits....
Jake: anway
Jake: have people asked you about it.
Jake: cause it really is misleading
Todd: how is it misleading?
Jake: well i knew what cup sizes are
Jake: you just implied there were standards for measuring tits as well..
If you have a good quote for this page, email it to me.